family recipe

 
this is my dad's recipe from actor tony danza from 1996 or so. i remember him making it for us when out at the house when the girls were little: angel hair pasta with clams, tomatoes and arugula. you sauté garlic in olive oil, add the tomatoes (it calls for plum tomatoes, but i used very flavorful and large cherry tomatoes from canada that were available at trader joe's), a little clam juice, the clams and then the arugula. you can cook the pasta while these items steam. i used thin spaghetti from raffetto's as i always overcook the angel hair pasta so that it falls apart. it was my first time using the thin spaghetti and we really liked it (of course it was homemade pasta from raffetto's which made it extra good).

(cricket had to be put away before i opened the jars of clams - he is ridiculously incapable of keeping his nose out of fish or meat).

chanda and greg were very hungry and couldn't wait to dig in.

missing my dad and mom just suddenly comes over me unexpectedly. i was watching abbot elementary a few weeks ago and two of the characters were discussing their grief over missing their mothers, "it's just the unexpected random moments . . "

august 9th - knitting and an artist's talk

lots of time when i finally sit down to work on this baby cardigan, cricket likes to join me.

even with his help, i have managed to finish it. well, i do still need to sew the buttons on, but it's currently blocking in the bedroom. it may take a long time to dry, as it's very humid and hot again . . 

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greg, chanda and i attended an artist's talk at the rubin museum this evening. it's the last one in a series for their exhibit of current himalayan art (which we participated in for artist sonam dolma brauen in march).

kunsang gyatso spoke about his piece titled goddess of tangerine which began for him six to eight years ago when his parents left him a shrine to care for (they returned to nepal). when he himself returned to nepal in past years, he noticed that the mountaintops were no longer always white with snow. they had become more brown and rugged with the warming climate. for this piece he has imagined what if the tangerine were to go extinct? would we venerate it as a goddess? would we elevate it? i was also struck with the difference of living in the beauty of the himalayas with its small outdoor shrines hidden in nooks and crannies along mountain paths, and the indoor display of the museum's shrine room in a corporate glass and steel building, and then the artist's shrine to the tangerine, displayed with paint, glass filaments, plexiglass, concrete, foam and wood; so different from soil and rocks, air and water, insects and small animals. also, there must be a difference with the warm at home shrine that his parents left him and the shrine of his artwork. our museums display our cultures and the beauty we find in our cultures, but it is not the warmth of the culture itself: the physical and spiritual actuality. we have to imagine all of that. i've been thinking about this in relation to raja shehadeh's palestinian walks . . the beauty of his home, changed irrevocably by strangers claiming it to be their's -- uprooting olive trees and building walls.

i really appreciated hearing him speak . . 

chanda and i took a quick peek in the gift shop where i picked out two tea towels; one for morgan and harley and one for ryan . . all of whom have new apartments! greg was being a bear as he was very hungry. he didn't get to have a snack before leaving for the talk right after finishing work.

he was ready for some ramen from misoya, the restaurant near us (where we ended up doing take out as they were very busy and had a twenty minute wait for a table).

and it's my dad's birthday today . . he would have been 98.

broccoli sauce

i made pasta with broccoli sauce this evening for dinner, which i haven't done in a long time. it was the recipe of one of my dad's friends and my dad was the first one to prepare it for the family. i made it often when the children were small as it was a nice vegetarian dish (if you don't use chicken broth). two years ago, gail, my sister's friend, wrote her requesting it. kathy forwarded the request to me and i'm finally getting around to responding (i'll send the recipe to may sister in an email with pics). 

so, first you clean two bunches of broccoli and cut the stalks into chunks and separate the broccoli flowers. add the stalks into a pot with enough water to simmer until they're soft. i always also add a few of the flowers.

drain the water and add about two cups of vegetable or chicken broth. puree. add more broth if needed (i usually add about another cup, but you don't want it too thin - sometimes i add a little more broccoli).

mince about four cloves of garlic . . 

and sauté . . 

steam broccoli flowers to soften . .

add to garlic. . 

add desired salt and pepper . .

add the puree . . 

boil the pasta . . 

(listen to classical music while cooking)

and serve with pecorino or parmesan cheese . . 

a grey monday

i walked through madison park today on my way to the dentist. above is a photo of maya lin's ghost forest exhibit (on view until november). i've been wanting to see this for awhile but haven't been in the neighborhood. i hope to return for more photos. it's a very compelling installation. the forty nine atlantic white cedar trees are from the new jersey pine barrens where they had been infiltrated by salt water, a problem throughout the east coast due to rising seas. i've always appreciated maya lin's sensitivity and feel hopeful that she has lent her voice to lifting up the fragility of our earth's ecosystem.

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it was chilly this morning but grew warmer and more humid as the day wore on. greg and i ate at moustache and i brought home baklava for tomorrow morning (compliments of our server, which was nice of him). also, it was my dad's birthday today. he would have been 95.

motivation . . lack thereof

i find that i'm not as motivated to post when there's an absence of homeschooling projects going on. chanda does math and italian on her own, and writing with a friend and her mom on thursday afternoon's at the friend's house. she also attends a history class (taught by a homeschool mom who is a history professor) at our local library. in between she has two private ballet classes per week, a pas de deux class once a week (these are morning hours) and then a ballet class every afternoon with an extra modern class friday afternoons before the ballet class . . and then ballet saturday morning followed by an acting class (with a teacher who is also a dear friend) . . and then there's also separate rehearsal studio times for her solo for the modern class . . and then one babysitting job on wednesday afternoons . . she's also been researching ballet schools and filling out application forms, writing a few essays and preparing photos and dance pieces for video auditions. there's not much time for a project with me. is there a project with me? well, sort of . . we're supposed to be reading a tale of two cities together . . but she hasn't been enthusiastic so i haven't been insistent or diligent or . . well . . motivated!

energy. vigor. incentive. desire. action. motivation. these words don't apply to me these days and i wish they did. i feel wistful, somber and heartsick. it's difficult finding a silver lining. i miss all my dead family members and am mourning the ones who are fading before they've even completely faded. i just miss old times . . i miss being with my mom and dad out at the beach . . i miss this more than anything.

i guess i just miss my dad and i honestly never thought i would. what a funny thing to write! but it's true. i never thought i would miss him like this. we fought so hard and at times i hated him so much and was always jealous of the openness he had with my nephews that i wanted for myself. we were so much alike and now everyday i see parts of him in all three of my girls but mainly in . . korrina and i. the three of us were or are . . really . . three peas in a pod. 

so maybe i should change the above picture to one of my dad, rather than yesterday's breakfast cereal.

in those days . .

 i was perusing my photo library and came across these photos of the girls playing cards with my mom and dad. 

 several years ago i was reading an article (probably in the new yorker) and the author, a woman, shared a story about her grandmother. she wrote that her grandmother would sometimes wake in the night and remember that the children were all grown, and then she would feel that she couldn't breathe.  she would lie there in the dark with her thoughts, her memories, her sadness, her loneliness . . and she couldn't breathe.

i sometimes feel this way myself, and i imagine my mother feels this way too.

stories for all soul's day

since i was away for all soul's day, we shared stories of our family members this morning.

we mainly talked about xena and jack this morning. but i did tell the story of my dad and the coffee pot blowing over in the wind when camping at teddy roosevelt state park in north dakota (1979). the picture of him in profile all the way on the right was taken just before calamity struck. he had the coffee pot on the propane stove and it was very hot. the wind was an unpredictable gale and he had constructed a green plastic awning around the kitchen area where we were sitting. my mom and i were very skeptical about his creation. he poohed poohed our concern in his typical and crazy nonno way (i'm a lot like this) and then all of a sudden a gust came and everything was blown to smithereens. what a mess. coffee was everywhere; including on me (and it was hot)! it was all so funny, though i guess not at the moment. he was quite angry! i'm sure my mom and i tried not to laugh right then, but we've laughed about it ever since.

we also had a breakfast of steel cut oats, brown sugar and cream.

getting the house ready

here are some pics from greg's and my trip to montauk to get the house ready for it's yearly renters.

we emptied the kitchen of all the plates and pots, glasses and silverware when we arrived . . 

 and had dinner at the shagwong in town. i've never been here, although everyone else in my family has been at least once.

it was actually one of the best meals i've ever eaten . . anywhere! the salmon tasted wild-caught, and the carrots were perfectly tender.

on wednesday morning the carpet cleaner came. he and his co-worker did such an amazing job. the rug looked like new! he was also really nice and cleaned the couch for a very nominal price. by lunchtime i was ready to get out for a break. we went to the health food store for lunch.

waiting for our veggie chili.

back at the house, the couch was drying.

it was time to start cleaning the canisters that my mom has always kept along the top of the cabinets. morgana and chanda helped me clean them in 2012 and you can see that post here.

greg cleaned out the shelves in the laundry room.

our neighbor and new renter helped us in searching for the septic tank. we dug in several spots, but didn't find it. i need to check a different survey map back at the apartment.

i wanted to get to the beach before it got dark.

 this little seagull had a hurt leg.

montauk daisies . . 

time to get back to work at the house . .

they were put up in a different order . . i didn't have morgana or chanda ordering me about . .

so i could choose my own way!

clean, empty rooms . . 

while cleaning the canisters, i discovered that the kitchen curtains were incredibly dusty and dirty so into the washing machine they went.

and then i ironed them. while ironing them i realized that the new renter may not care for a checkered print, and will probably change them to a floral pattern. oh well. at least they will be clean to welcome her.

my mom's seashell lamp . . 

which korrina, morgana, chanda and i helped her fill.

on thursday, before we left, i rummaged through old files and came across photos of my mom and my aunt with their good friends ilse and erich in germany (in 1991, i think).

my aunt had multiple sclerosis and always struggled to walk. she was always very determined with an amazing sense of humor. when i was young and would visit her in california where she lived, she would never get upset with me for swiping her cane when shopping (i would leave her hanging on the grocery cart) and going off to get extra items while "practicing" my limp . . (i was a budding actor).

my dad talking with erich and another friend in germany.

i'm sure erich is making some kind of joke here with the basket . . they had such a great time together. it was a trip they talked about and planned for many years. we were all so happy when they finally were able to go.

back to the house: i trimmed the forsythia bush which is a plant i gave my mom for her birthday about . . ten (?) years ago . . maybe more!

(sigh) the house sign is looking a bit worn . . 

back on the road: in amagansett we stopped for lunch.

chicken curry with arugula and carmelized onions and peanut chutney.

the trees were at their peak . .

the square in amagansett. 

travel knitting . . 

homeward bound . .