it's thursday morning and i was just finally sifting through the photos from the month of march and clearing out the ones i don't want to keep. time always surprises me with how it slips by as my last post was march 6th, a few days before greg and i went out to the house with little kitten figaro, who actually was no longer such a little one, but a seven month old growing cat. we had such a lovely time as we went for many walks along the beach and had delicious dinners of fresh fish and vegetables that i had brought with us from the neighborhood green market. i also finally got into a rhythm with my knitting and began work again on two projects i had neglected: the moving forward wrap and the grounded poncho. little figaro was very quiet and slept a lot in his favorite spot on the rocking chair (though he did do a little bit of hunting for bugs in the sunlight along the living room windowsills). we thought he was missing pluto, but when we returned on tuesday the 15th, we realized that he wasn't well. i can't even remember what tipped us off to his being sick . . was he unable to keep his food down? did he stop eating? was it because he didn't bounce all over pluto and the apartment like his usual self? i took him to the vet on wednesday and the vet palpitated his abdomen and said she felt something there and so wanted to do an x-ray. we were thinking maybe he had eaten a hair elastic, though i was a little doubtful because the hair elastics were something he played with very seriously and thoughtfully. (after losing many beneath the stove, he batted them carefully around the kitchen floor so that they wouldn't slip under again.) the technician took him to be sedated and x-rayed and i went home to await the phone call saying he was ready to be picked up.
i returned in the late afternoon and sat with him on my lap while we waited for the veterinarian to explain the results. when she came in she was apologetic and brief. they had found his thoracic cavity to be filled with fluid which was of a yellowish tint and sticky. they drained some of it off, but as he had woken unhappy and non-compliant, they couldn't get as much as they wanted. the result was that he was very ill with an untreatable viral disease. if we wanted we could try a medicine which was not yet authorized for any vet to use . . so there was nothing she could do for us.
i took him home. i was so stunned. i think i was in a daze. i know i felt desperate. he was so little . . so young. he was supposed to live with us for a very long time; instead he was so very, very sick.
it was hard to explain it all to greg and i kept jumping around with what i wanted to do. we finally agreed to give the medicine a try, but it required us to give little figaro injections, which was not easy to do as he was very wiggly and the medicine burned as it went in. his reaction was not the best either, as he sat with a vacant, catatonic stare for several hours afterwards (he had a similar reaction coming out of the sedative after the drainage and x-ray and spent most of tuesday night awake, staring off into space). by friday (the 18th of march) the fluid had built up again and we took him in to have it drained for a second time, with a similar reaction coming out of the sedative, though they supposedly tried a different kind. we then decided we could no longer do the injections, he was so frail and unhappy and so were we. i kept hoping for a miracle, that only two doses could cure him, but that was not to be. on monday afternoon we napped together and when he woke he climbed onto my chest and meowed plaintively in my face, and i knew that he was in too much pain.
i've been through the death of seven pets throughout my life, this time i was undone (we all were). what did i miss? did he get his vaccines too soon? did he get too many? maybe too much deworming medication? was he under too much stress playing with pluto? did he need a different diet? it's nonexplainable. one of the vets who helped us emphasized that he lived longer than most kittens who contract this disease, meaning he had a happy and healthy home. do i see the cup as half empty, or half full?
figaro was incredibly affectionate, smart, playful and loquacious. he used to play catch with me, especially when i was making the bed. he'd bring his favorite floppy toy or hair tie onto the bed and i would throw it off countless times as i fluffed the sheets, blankets and pillows. he would hear one of us getting his and pluto's food together in the kitchen and come running in to meow sweetly and incessantly that we needed to hurry please, he was very hungry. he always chirped and purred when he climbed onto any of our laps, letting us know that he wanted to see what we were doing and be a part of it. he slept every night either curled up with pluto at our feet, or curled up snug and warm, next to my heart. it's hard to accept that he's gone.
